. . Love Laced In Cyanide . .

Don't worry.

I haven't been taking my pills for about a month.
I just started taking my regular dose and I been feeling really suicidal.
My grades were going down the shitter last marking period.
I didn't show my parents my report card, and I am afraid of myself.
I don't know what my mom is going to do when she gets home today.
I can't manage anymore fighting between us.
Right when thing going well, what great timing, haha.
Life is a carosel on speed.
I have no real friends.
I walk home alone.
My heart is an empty hotel room and I can't take it anymore.
If persay I do die, just remember I don't blame anyone.
If I don't come to school Stephanie, just remember I love you and others as well.
I'm just to weak to go on.
See you all on the other side.

-Riaasa

So yeah it's been a while since I updated.
Here is a quick synopsis on what happened during the summer.
I got out of Day Treatment and went to outpatient.
My parents still think it is bullshit (the whole therapy thing...)
I started Outpatient about 4 weeks ago maybe.
Outpatient is okay and I hate the group leader, go figure.
Also I have a new creepy Asian psychiatrist.
I prefer Aromin.
I am taking my medication, Lamictal, and it is helping.
Although it is giving me sleeping problems, which is normal.
Concerning the Pink Walls of Hell posts they will not be updated due to negligence.
Although I do have some of it typed up I will not post it.
----------------------------------------------------------
As for school, it sucks.
I fucking hate the new Vice-Principal.
He made our school so strict it is like a dictatorship.
I always thought high school was suppose to be the best years of your life.
Now it's like we learn, eat, go home.
I feel as if all the fun of high school was sucked up because of him and his "Hall Sweeps."
Let me explain Hall Sweeps.
If you are 2 minutes late for a class that includes lunch (we are allowed to go out for lunch)
they take you to the large gym and you get written up.
Some people have classes that are across the school and have a hard time getting to where they are suppose to be on time.
If they catch you even if you try to explain they WILL write you up and call your parents.
If that isn't enough the constant reminders of Hall Sweeps over the loud speaker WILL make you go BLOODY MAD!!!
Besides the Hall Sweeps, the Guidance Office Fucked Up on almost EVERYONE'S schedule.
Originally they had given me no lunch and a language, so I went in during the summer and fixed it.
Now, I have a Study Hall and no language classes.
I had to fix it again.
Now they gave me my Spanish II, but it isn't honors.
I filled out the form to change it and I have yet for a response.

My schedule should read for now.....
2nd Period: Spanish II
3rd Period: Accelerated Biology
4th Period: Drivers Ed. w/ Bio. Lab on Wednesdays.
5th Period: Accelerated U.S. History I
6th Period: Geometry Honors
7th Period: Lunch
8th Period: Introduction to Health Careers
9th Period: Accelerated American Literature

Wonderful, Wonderful. Yes, yes.
As for today.
I didn't go to school because I had an appointment with the creepy Chinese Psychiatrist at Trinitas.
I am kinda relieved because I didn't want to go to school.
Here are my reasons.
#1. It's 9/11 and I want to commemorate the ones who have lost their lives on this day.
#2. I have a test for Biology.
#3. I have a test for Geometry.

Anyways I got my prescription and doctor's note.
So, I am O.K.
Oh yeah my desktop computer doesn't work anymore.
I have to get a new one now. Oi vey.
I also have to send in my laptop for repair.
How awesome is that.


-Bye Bye for now.


P.S.: I am typing this on my brother's computer.

My laptop broke down....:(

Now I have to use my desktop computer which has no internet.

Hopefully by the end of the long weekend I will have internet....

Still blogging in my mind.

-The Girl of Randomness

...
Not much to say.
The kids were hyper, yet again.
Most of them are getting discharged so it will be only 5 of us.
Me, the drug addict, the alcoholic, the kleptomaniac, and the angry kid (equivalent on the Screw-Up Scale to me)
I am not getting discharge until probably July 7th...
Oh the joy and wonderfulness.
I feel like I need to be there longer because I am not getting anything done, yet.
The kids have really been bothersome.
Oh yeah starting next Thursday for me I will be in Day Treatment.
Of course I didn't do anything wrong in school it's just there is too little kids and they want to merge the programs.
I don't mind it except that I have to get up early.
If I blow my chances at Day Treatment I go to Inpatient.
That means no pain killers and cutting for me.
But seriously I need to stop.

Mostly all we did was play ball, eat, and watch a movie.
We had lasagna, it was nasty and burnt.
We watched Dangerous Mind.
I couldn't focus on the movie that much.
That was useless....
Pretty much that's what happened.

P.S.: This post was meant for yesterday.
Oh yeah and I'm finally adjusting to my medication and I'm going to kill Julio.
(^_^)

Day 2.
Wooo.
Let me start off with the first Group session.(There is 3 in all)
In the first session we had to make our chairs in a circle.
There was one empty chair where everyone had to take turns and sit in it.
When a person sits on the chair people can't talk, whilst the other kids say good things about them.
I got some pretty good comments even though they knew me for a day.
Then we had to go back in the chair, this time we could talk.
Everyone had to say negative things about each other.
They really didn't know what to say to me but talk more.
Which I agree with, I haven't really been talking.
Well not to the little kids...
They are pretty hyper and type annoying.
After that we ate the dreaded hospital food.
Hamburgers again tonight..... I only ate the fries and the pears.
We had cupcakes also....
There was a fluffy moment between me and a guy. ^_^
But anyways after the lunch we played a.... board game!!!!
It was about how to deal with conflicts.
The game overall was kinda fun but not really because majority of the kids were immature.
It was pissing me and the other older kids off.
After that mess we had a regular meeting.
We went around the room and told one of the staff about what we are doing this weekend.
(I said I have to study)
Also, I got a bonus.
I had to tell everyone why I was here.
I told the that the school referred me because I hurt myself and have depression problems.
I got some okay advice.
So anyways after that experience we lined up.
Guess what?!?
I got my prescription for Lamictal!
That was lovely.
On the bus ride the 2 little kids were acting like bitches....
That pissed me and the other girl off.
Especially when he was threatening to kick our ass.
I'll stomp that little motherfucker.
They left and her and I was talking.
The drug addict wasn't here today, such a surprise.
Anyways we were laughing like mad crazy in the bus.
She is too cool of a person.
No description needed.
I left and crashed.
Not literally.

I got a blood test tomorrow so yeah lemme catch some zzz's.

Catch some z's and never let go. Join me in eternal sleep.