. . Love Laced In Cyanide . .

Science I got a 70 something and I know I'm failing English...
I feel sick, I wanna throw up.
Gah! Pray for me people....

P.S.: Sorry, I didn't update in a while I was busy.

Sorry, too depressed to leave you with a closing statement.


Mood: Shame
Listening to: Bloodsimple - Straight Hate
Reading: Us Magazine
Watching: ...
Playing: ...
Eating: ...
Drinking: ...

Yes, I know I am not that great at updating. I have either been busy or exhausted. A girl needs her sleep ya know. I am still in a melancholy mood.... I feel ashamed that I went back to the old me. I promised myself I wouldn't go down that road... I guess old habit die hard. Right?

Unlike Picasso I paint with my blade.
I am so ashamed. What have I become a hypocrite, none the less. I went back on my word. I am such a horrible person, when will this madness end. I can't head bang or drown my way out of this situation. I need help, serious help. I know this is not going to end, I have this gut feeling. It's bad enough I abuse pills. At school I have to deal with the monster called "IT." I wish he would go in to a diabetic coma and never wake up. Oh yes the constant slander of being called a "Ugly, cross-eyed bitch." So refreshing to me. I try not to let it get to me. I am at least trying to save the last bit of self-esteem I have.... Most of my self-esteem was raped from me as a child. So yeah, I was bent on being a "Fuck Up." Someday I hope someone will accept me for who I am. Till' that day I sadly wait in misery that seems to follow me.

Nothing much to say about those days.... The most news I have about hose days is I got a 8GB Sansa View. It's awsome.
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Currently I am procrastinating from doing my essay. Yeah I know Deja Vu. Today I brought in my guitar and played during my lunch period in the Chorus room. Pamela brought me lunch, thank god... Speaking of Pamela I think Godfrey popped the question... Okay let me explain, my sister(best friend) Pamela has this friend Godfrey who likes her but she doesn't know. Godfrey popped the question, and Pamela won't tell me the details. Oh well it's her life, I should pry. Oh the other hand I am so happy because she is finally growing up. Back to life. I need to smoke some pot, seriously I'm not kidding. I am too stressed out with school. It sucks incluing the people in it. Oh yeah, I wrote a song, I'll post it later.

For now our story will be continued somewhere over the rainbow....

Mood: Sleepy/Lazy
Listening to: Buckcherry - Sorry
Reading: The Bluest Eye
Watching: ...
Playing: ...
Eating: Candy Cane Taffy
Drinking: ...

My New Years Resolutions are to....

Become more wiser overall.
Become more health concious.
Learn from my mistakes.
Learn guitar.
Get a job.
Buy another guitar.\
Buy another amp.
See my best friends again.
Start a band.
Write more poetry and songs.
Listen to more indie, metal, and grunge music.
Buy better clothing, more gothy and me.
Enter or go to Teen Arts Festival.
Draw or paint something.
Learn to use photoshop better.
Learn to take better pictures.
Go vegan or vegetarian again.
Get better grades....Hopefully?
Sign up to go to Vo-tech shared time next school year.
Get all my music back, I deleted it today by accident.
Pass Health class with an 80 or above.
Learn to think before I speak.
Learn to improve my speech.
Learn to act my age and not my shoe size.
Let the true me shine out.
Be nicer but grow a backbone at the sametime.
Don't let things or PEOPLE get to me.
**And most importantly....... Never let anyone try to hurt me or take advantage of me in any way.