. . Love Laced In Cyanide . .

It still sounds off even when my dad or me tunes it. Anyways, yesterday I went to Guitar Center. It. Was. Awesome. There were so many different guitars and I got to hold a Gibson Les Paul. I felt so indescribable. I originally went to go get some books, that didn't work out as planned. Instead I got Beginning Guitar, The Best of Nirvana sheet music, a checkered guitar strap, and some guitar pick. I ended up paying $40.00 out of my own money. It hurt.
I wanted to get Evanescence Fallen Sheet Music but I would have ended up paying $60.00 (in total) instead. Damn you, corporate companies that own Evanescence's soul (music).
After that I went home and started tuning my guitar. I did an okay job. I am now currently learning chords.How fun is that. My hands haven't ached so much since I was playing clarinet...
Which was about 2 years ago. The book says I will grown callouses, I wonder how that will work out...
Currently, I am suppose to be downstairs eating a nutritious breakfast consisting of Dal and Roti, It's a Guyanese thing, ya know. I'm going to go take a shower.

Rather Burnout than Fade Away

Mood: Sleepy
Listening to: Nirvana - Rape Me
Reading: Impulse
Watching: ...
Playing: ...
Eating: ...
Drinking: ...

Okay not really. I lied. But today is my birthday. I feel no change. Maybe it will come later, who knows.
Today, I woke up early to find a guitar. I didn't really like it, but it was a guitar. It was a Starcaster by Fender. A pretty cheap piece of shit. Oh well it is a guitar after all. The strings are pretty shitty on it but it plays alright. I could get a better amp. for it, and replace the one it came with. Yes, it was a value pack. The gig bag hurts when it is on your back and the guitar straps keep coming off when I put it on.
I am looking for a place where I could take lessons. I wanna learn acoustic though...
Oh well, I'll get over it.
The rest of the day I got ready and went with my parents to the doctors office. After that I went to Red Lobster with them, plus my mom's co-worker. It's was iight. The people were nice enough to give me some ice cream with a candle on it and sang me Happy Birthday. I blew out the candles and wished for world peace. Like that will happen.
Fareeza came over and we downloaded music to put on her ipod. Unfortunately, the ipod froze and she has to take it in to Best Buy it get it fixed. Sucks for her.
Currently, I am trying to figure out how to play my shitty guitar. I tuned it and it sounds... alright, I guess.

Keep on Keeping on with your head up high

Mood: Optimistic
Listening to: The Misfits - Attitude
Reading: Thirteen Reasons Why
Watching: ...
Playing: Guitar
Eating: ...
Drinking: ...

Happy Holidays!
Merry Christmas!
Feliz Navidad!
Whatever.
I hope your having a great time spending time with the people you love or not.
2 days till my birthday. That's when I turn a magical 14, I hope.
Current Wishlist:
*Acoustic Guitar
*Electric Guitar
*Clothes
*Boots
*Cd's
*Money
* And to see all my best friends together again.

Pills are my only temporary way out.
Sanity is my only way in.
Living fast.
Dying slowly.
Sedate me, serenely deliberate.

Self-explanatory. People suck. Projects suck. Homework sucks. Life sucks. Thank god(if there is one) for winter break. Oh yeah, also my birthday is on the 27th of December which is 8 days from now. I'm finally turning 14. That will also suck. Turning 14 means I can get my working papers. Which means I'm getting a job.that sucks. Also, I make money. That doesn't suck.
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Currently, I am chilling (procrastinating). I have to finish my note cards for English. I don't wanna do it. Anyways... I need to get a gift for Stephanie and Carla. I am thinking Cd's for Stephanie and Guitar Hero or a Coriolis straightening iron for Carla. If Stephanie would reply to my post and tell me what Cd's she would like or hint me on, that would be much appreciated.
Hint, Hint, nudge, nudge. I will put up my wish list on my Myspace.

Beware of yellow snow, if we have any.

Mood: Lazy
Listening to: Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven
Reading: Lots, and Lots of Books!!!
Watching: You through these shit stained windows, I thank corporate pigs
Playing: ...
Eating: ...
Drinking: ...

People deceive. People manipulate. People are fake. Or some I should say. Some pass judgment before they know the whole truth.They attack with no mercy only for themselves and the people in their inner circle. Thye single you out like a defenseless lamb going in to the slaughterhouse. They need to control you and suck every living ounce out of you.They have methods to bring you down to the firey bottomless pits of hell. I have a word for those people, I call them soul-suckers also known as my *family*. This makes me question the word family.

I thought the word *family* meant people who love you and you love back, not necessarily blood or biological. But you trust them and they trust you. They take care of you and you take care of them. What ever happened to that??? Have we all become so greedy and ignorant toward other people because they are strange or special in their own ways. Are we all so caught up in ourselves neglecting, oh I dunno real conflicts like the War in Darfur.
Is this what we have come to. Is this our future or our own tragedy.

Yes. My Birthday is in 12 days. Christmas is in 10 days. My mother's Birthday is on Tuesday. My friend Pamela's Birthday is on Monday. I have a very eventful remaining December. For Pamela's Birthday I got her a gift and then I am planning on baking cookies for her. I am making Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies. I am planning on some other flavors. I am thinking sugar cookies and oatmeal raisin. I dunno. Maria is going to bring in balloons if she comes through with them, hopefully right? I bought all the Christmas gifts todays for my friends. I have to get a gift for Stephanie. I wonder what i'll get. I don't wanna wait too long, you know.
Tomorrow I am going to be busy. I gotta cook, clean my room, do my project, and go shopping. I haven't had time to call Carla in while. When I do call she is usually busy or won't pick up. Oh well. I'll try back another day.
Currently I am watching Futurama. I'm keeping it short today. I'm gonna watch some more TV(The Mind rotter).

Peace 2 Peeps

Mood: Normal
Listening to: Lacuna Coil - Enjoy The Silence
Reading: Thirteen Reasons Why
Watching: Futurama
Playing: ...
Eating: ...
Drinking: ...

I'm so naïve to think I would fit in with other people. I'm just an outsider looking in. Is it wrong that I feel everything I do and everything I say is wrong. I'm sorry I come off as a pessimist, here let me smile and make you feel better. I'll just be screaming inside wishing for an end. You laugh at my outer flaws and try to make me cry. You love my pain, it's just another boost to your ego. Scoff me like you did others, it's all a stupid game. I am just the loser, outsider, freak. But you know what at least I am proud of who I am. I accept me and no some superficial image of vanity.
That's all that matters to me, not you.

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Today sucked. It was horrible. Rain+Snow= The slushy mess I had to walk home in. I almost slipped 3 times. Luckily I didn't. School sucked the big one. I felt depressed all day. 5th period my English teacher told me she wasn't going to be here. So I assuming she wasn't there told my classmates that I had to go to School Based Youth and sent a pass down with them. But my teacher was here today, which I didn't know. In the middle of the meeting I had to be called back to class by another classmate. It was embarrassing. I came back to class my teacher asked why and got in my face. I would have fucking cussed her out by now, but I stood my ground. I went to work. For Spanish I got detention for reading(not really reading but I had the book open). Pamela went home early. I had to go to lunch with Stephanie, it gave us time to talk. It was very slippery outside. Math I was bored as hell. Graphic Arts sucked ass, as usual.
I went to detention after school. It was less than 5 minutes. I had to get my stuff from my locker using an alternate route, due to the security guards wanting us out the school.
Outside was cold and wet. I got home at 3:15 pm due to me running half the way. My hair was in disarray, my book bag, pants, and hair was wet.
Currently, I want to go to sleep or do some drug but I'm out. :( I have 2 projects to do.

Missing you, piece me together again.

Mood: Melancholy
Listening to: KoRN - Thoughtless
Reading: Thirteen Reasons Why
Watching: ...
Playing: ...
Eating: ...
Drinking: ...

Is it my impulsiveness that makes me who I am? Or is it my clever and witty ways that define me, the character inside begging to be released. Almost like a Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of incident. Sometimes I ask my self,"Why do I have to act so childish." Maybe it is just a repression coming out now. But, why now? Why at this stage of life? It's all so confusing, I wish someone would help me sort my life out. If only problems could be sorted in boxes and stored somewhere I won't remember. Why can't life be so simple? On the other hand I guess life would be pretty boring if we didn't have those conflicts. It almost gives you that feeling of purpose, something I lack. I'm like a porcelain puppet on string, easy to be controlled, and easy to break in to pieces. But to the day when I am broken will I be able to pick up all the pieces, even when love has said no about a thousand times?

Yup....
Open Mic was interesting....not. I mean don't get me wrong it kinda alright. (<.<). Me, Pamela, Maria, and her Mom went. I reserved a table for all of us since I had to be there at like 5:45 pm and the event started at 7:00 pm. I read my poem "Fueled The Tragedy." I got lots of applauds from the audience even though they were talking really loud. It was pissing me and other people off. Some girl in the crowd has the audacity to call me crazy even though I didn't hear it. Pamela was two-seconds from cursing that bitch out. Too bad she didn't. Oh well. The beginning of the Open Mic was awesome. It was the ending that kinda sucked hairy monkey nuts. The best parts was when my friend and/or Acquaintance Brittany (or how ever you spell it) sang Keyshia Cole's "I Remember", when those two kids from Lit. Mag. were rapping, and when Mrs. Rasheed's so called sister came up to speak. I mean some of the poets were awesome too. Like Maggie, Elmartines sister said her poem about being "Thick." Then again there was Kia's poem about how "Love Was In My Way," but people won't shut the fuck up and she was a bit stage frightened. It was the bomb when she said it at the Lit. Mag. meeting. I never laughed so hard in my whole life, well maybe once or twice. Lol.

After the whole show I helped to clean up and I took like 2 candles. They smell so freaking good. My brother dropped me and Pamela home. He bitched about how his car wasn't a fucking taxi. Asshole. Then he slammed the door in my face, it hit my nose, and I almost dropped my candles. My mom bitched, normal stuff. I got over it. It was 10;10 pm when I checked my clock. I changed and went to bed.

On Friday morning, the next day I started throwing up. My mom made me go to school. I couldn't focus 2nd period. I kept going to the bathroom to upchuck. 3rd period I went to the nurse. She called my mom but she won't pick up her cell phone. I really wanted to go home, but I couldn't. I went to sleep for like a good hour or so then I had to go to the assembly with the nurse and this other 8th grader. Curse you. A girl in the auditorium passed out, I had to go back to the nurses office. I felt a bit better and I started to sip on Sprite and later I ate a couple cracker that I had brought from home.

A lot of people kept coming in and out of that office. Me, the 8th grader, and the girl that passed out got in to many conversations. I have to say that was kinda fun though. Later on me and another this time male 8th grader went to go get lunch. All I got was a strawberry-kiwi Snapple. The 8th grader got his lunch and the nurse lunch too. While I was waiting I was messing with Armando and Jonathon(The Black one).
I stayed in the nurses office until 9th period and I went to Graphic Arts. All I did was pretty much waste film and get in to fights with Horvath. Horvath caught me chewing gum even though I wasn't even facing him. Asshole. He can kiss my ass and go suck some hairy pink balls. I should call him Sugarfoot to piss him off.
I think that means gay soldier since he was in the Army and all. Hehe.

Currently, I am chilling and just listening to music. I seriously need to clean up my room.

Love, Forever and ever! Okay, I lied not really.

Mood: I'm not okay...
Listening to: Evanescence - Weight of the World
Reading: Edgar Allen Poe - The Raven
Watching: ...
Playing: Hide and Seek with my imaginary friend Eduardo.
Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Water

Hi.
Sorry for the neglect of updates. Nothing much happened. I came back from Canada on Saturday. I went shopping for clothing on Sunday. My mom didn't like the clothing so now I have to return it. Oh well. I am currently preparing for Open Mic on Thursday.
People actually liked my poem on self-mutilation, I was surprised. It sucks that I have a speech impediment (lisp), oh well. I dream to get over it someday, even though those little bastards at school make fun of me. I am even thinking of switching my Graphic Arts class to Chorus because of that fatass Julio and the ignorant bastards in the back. They can all kiss my ass then suck it dry.
Besides we haven't gotten anything done in there. I am basically wasting my time in there.

Anyways today I wrote a poem in Social Studies. I said my other poem (See my last post for November) and that asswipe Julio started making fun of it. That's why his fatass can't act. He's a joke, no one will take him seriously when they see his true colors. I disregarded it the first time, but it was the second time in Graphic Art that set me off. I tried not to get mad and not think about it. All it did was make me depressed.
I went to Lit. Mag. today it was fun. It took my mind off him..... Until someone talked about the play, which he is in. I want to go see it, but I don't want to support Julio. The play is actually good even though. Even if I do go, i'll probably go with Edgar if he's going. What ever i'll figure it out later.

Currently I have make-up work to do.

The story shall be continued... Stay Tuned

Mood: Pissed/Depressed
Listening to: Atreyu - You Eclipsed By Me
Reading: The Bluest Eyes
Watching: ...
Playing: Dead (sike-nah)
Eating: Brown Sugar Pop-Tarts
Drinking: Very Vanilla Soy Milk